Common mistakes Dutchies make in the use of English

"Dutch Tongue" by michael.gr, based on the logo of The Rolling Stones and the flag of The Netherlands

The Dutch rank #1 in the world¹ in English-as-a-foreign language proficiency; however, there are certain mistakes in the use of English that the Dutch are somewhat prone to make due to peculiarities of the Dutch language. When this happens, some call it "Dutchlish". Here is a collection of common mistakes, (or examples of Dutchlish, if you wish,) that I collected over the course of several years of living in The Netherlands.

"I will learn you how to skate." ("Learn" instead of "teach", from Dutch "leren", which means either "learn" or "teach", depending on context.)

"When you want, we also have it in white." ("When" instead of "if") -- Apparently because mixing "als" (=if) with "waneer" (=when) is also a common mistake in Dutch.

"Let's meet at sex." ("Sex" instead of "six", from Dutch "zes", which means "six".)

"Dear colleagues, hereby the schedule." ("Hereby" instead of "Here is" or "Hereby I give you".)

"We have lot's of bicycle's" (In the written word, genitive instead of plural suffix, because that is how a plural suffix with "s" looks in Dutch.)

"Meet you at the busstop" (In the written word, concatenating words that are not normally concatenated in English. I swear sometimes I can even tell when they do it in the spoken word, or maybe I am just imagining it.)

"Let's have a telco" ("Telco" instead of "teleconference". In the English-speaking world, "telco" would perhaps stand for "telecommunications company".)

"Emergency exit train driver" (Object-adjective instead of adjective-object.)

A sign that can be seen in virtually every single train in the entire little Kingdom of The Netherlands. The Dutch text urges us to keep the emergency exit of the train driver unobstructed. The English translation urges us to not block the driver of the emergency exit train.

"I am a cineville" (Spelling "cineville" instead of "cinephile") -- This word has been long established in the Dutch language, but I cannot help but suspect that it must have originated as a spelling mistake.

"How long are you?" ("Long" instead of "tall", from Dutch "lang".) -- The Dutch word "lang" means "long", but that's the word they use when they speak of a person's height. They also have "hoog", which means "high", but for some reason they do not use it for people.)

"Let's make a photo" ("Make" instead of "take" for photos, from Dutch "foto maken".)

"Can I lend your hat?" ("Lend" instead of "borrow", from Dutch "lenen" which means either "lend" or "borrow", depending on context.) 

"You want just the bread?" ("Bread" instead of "Hamburger") No, the McDonald's employee is not seriously considering that you might want nothing but a bread bun by itself; they are asking you whether you are interested in just the hamburger, or in the combo consisting of hamburger plus fries plus drink. Because in Dutch, every edible item that is served on bread is called "broodje", which means bread.

Also: Dutch pronunciation rules cause some really weird artifacts in the spoken word, for example when you call Vodafone in The Netherlands, the recorded greeting informs you that you have reached "Fodavone".

(1): English-as-a-second-language proficiency world-wide top rank in The Netherlands: See https://www.ef.nl/epi/