Common mistakes Dutchies make in the use of English

"Dutch Tongue" by michael.gr, based on the logo of The Rolling Stones.

The Dutch rank #1 in the world1 in English-as-a-foreign language proficiency, making it possible for foreigners who speak English to live in The Netherlands, and especially in the Randstad area (W), without ever having to learn Dutch. However, due to peculiarities of the Dutch language, there are certain mistakes in the use of English that the Dutch are somewhat prone to make. When this happens, some call it "Dutchlish". Here is a collection of common mistakes, (or examples of Dutchlish, if you wish,) collected over the course of several years of living in The Netherlands.

"I will learn you how to skate." ("Learn" instead of "teach", from Dutch "leren", which means either "learn" or "teach", depending on context.)

"When you want, we also have it in white." ("When" instead of "if") -- Apparently because mixing "als" (=if) with "waneer" (=when) is also a common mistake in Dutch.

"Let's meet at sex." ("Sex" instead of "six", from Dutch "zes", which means "six".)

"Dear colleagues, hereby the schedule." ("Hereby" instead of "Here is" or "Hereby I give you".)

"We have lot's of bicycle's" (In the written word, genitive instead of plural suffix, because that is how a plural suffix with "s" looks in Dutch.)

"Meet you at the busstop" (In the written word, concatenating words that are not normally concatenated in English. I swear sometimes I can even tell when they do it in the spoken word, or maybe I am just imagining it.)

"Let's have a telco" ("Telco" instead of "teleconference". In the English-speaking world, "telco" would perhaps stand for "telecommunications company".)

"Emergency exit train driver" (Object-adjective instead of adjective-object.)

A sign that can be seen in virtually every single train in the entire little Kingdom of The Netherlands. The Dutch text urges us to keep the emergency exit of the train driver unobstructed. The English translation urges us to not block the driver of the emergency exit train.

"I am a cineville" (Spelling "cineville" instead of "cinephile") -- This word has been long established in the Dutch language, but I cannot help but suspect that it must have originated as a spelling mistake.

"How long are you?" ("Long" instead of "tall", from Dutch "lang".) -- The Dutch word "lang" means "long", but that's the word they use when they speak of a person's height.  They also have "hoog", which means "high", but this one is used when talking about any kind of height other than a person's height.)

"Let's make a photo" ("Make" instead of "take" for photos, from Dutch "foto maken".)

"Can I lend your hat?" ("Lend" instead of "borrow", from Dutch "lenen" which means either "lend" or "borrow", depending on context.)

Also: Dutch pronunciation rules cause some really weird artifacts in the spoken word, for example when you call Vodafone, the recorded greeting informs you that you have reached "Fodavone".

(1): English-as-a-second-language proficiency world-wide top rank in The Netherlands: See https://www.ef.nl/epi/

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